That Isn't Art

Words and Ideas (via icanread)

So can a haircut. Seriously. This kid needs one. I’m willing to pay for it.

God Have a Plan For You (via thegirlinvelvetscarf)

Ignoring for a moment the ridiculous grammatical errors throughout this poetic disaster, I’d like to take issue with the sentiment. Just because God have a plan for me doesn’t mean I’m important. What if he plan for me is to just wallow away in my cubicle paying child support for a kid I didn’t even want while my wife travels around with her new boyfriend Rick? What if he plan for me is to get kicked out of my apartment because I missed rent and have to live at the YMCA for a while? Do these plan sound like me important? I not think so. God plans are a bad. (See what I did there?)

Love is When (via icanread)

If you look into someone’s eyes and see their heart, you should call an ambulance immediately. Have the person lie down and keep their legs elevated. To be honest, I’m not really sure what else you should do because emergency training doesn’t really prepare you for a person’s heart being lodged in their skull and it pushing out from behind their eyes. How did the heart get up there? And how is this person still alive?

Needless to say, they’re going to be in surgery for a very long time, and the road to recovery will be quite difficult. But if you love them as you claim, you should stick by them through it. Just make sure you keep your options open… if you meet someone attractive, try to start a fling on the side. That way, in case your brain-heart husband eventually dies or becomes too much of a pain to take care of you can easily transition into a new relationship.

Don’t Want to Be Friends (via fueledbyphotos)

This is called “going too far” or “being creepy” or “pulling a classic woman move.”

Look, let’s set a few things straight here: If you want to convince someone to love you (and maybe even to marry you), everyone knows you can’t be this insanely direct. You need to ease into it. Take, for instance, how I managed to eventually get my wife to marry me: Did I start by saying, “Hey, I’m crazy, let’s get married come on please!” No. I took her out to a nice dinner and got her drunk. We went back to my place and got it on. She got knocked up and BAM, a few months later we got married.

See what I’m getting at? You can convince someone to love and marry you without being a creep.

The Sun (via thelasthomerecording)

Here’s the thing about the Sun: This isn’t the year 1200 BC, you don’t have to “believe in” it anymore. We’ve been sure for thousands of years that it does indeed exist. When it’s not “shining” as you call it, that means the sun is merely being obscured by fog, clouds or some other atmospheric event. Or, in the case of the evening hours, it’s because the Earth has rotated such that your position on the planet is facing away from the Sun. It’s not complicated, and the Sun definitely doesn’t require belief. It exists.

You Don’t Exist (via fuckyeahskinnybitch, submitted by Molly)

You are in love with a ghost? How did you meet? I’ve been trying to meet someone new for a while now, but these speed dating events are total crap. Every one of the women I’ve talked to seems to find me repulsive. A ghost, though, might be really into me.

I used to tell my wife she was so good at not paying attention that most times it seemed like she wasn’t even in the room. I’m thinking this is pretty much exactly how dating a ghost would feel. Except the ghost wouldn’t randomly jump back into the conversation to bitch and moan about how you refuse to take the recycling out.

Not the End (via fueledbyphotos)

It could be, if you want—just keep walking forward and don’t hold your breath and breathe in once you’re underwater. Just sayin’. Also, seriously, move that text away from the left edge a bit. It’s too close.

Sheer Simplicity (via tiresome)

Okay, so this is a pretty good visual representation of right before the murder scene in The Lovely Bones. So, as we’ve discussed before, if someone says something creepy like this and you’re in the middle of nowhere and there’s no one else around, run for your life.

Not Good Enough (via fueledbyphotos)

I completely agree. You’re not good enough. But, honestly, you’ll learn to live with it. I have. It took a long time to get used to it when my wife first starting telling me I wasn’t good enough, but after a while she stopped saying it as much and just spent more time at her book club. Then she just stopped coming home altogether, except that one time to get the baby and some of her clothes. She smelled like Old Spice and Nachos.

Someday (via j0hanna, submitted by William Sansom)

Sand is VERY COMPLICATED.